Somewhere in AX, throw in a subtle hydra-like reference (three hosts gained when one dies for example) Plenty of opportunities here because of the way it spreads.
Track different parts of AX so any other POV that encounters part of axiom doesn't have causal discrepancies caused by revisions meddling (the one that Ellis/Sutap fought comes to mind)
And make a note in the draft 3 AX project about using interesting metaphors for whatever the spire gets renamed to.
Make sure the first "redone" mention is after the first "red one" mention.
AX should use "rowing wheel/oared wheel" or adjacent to describe his forces early on -- he is *mostly* the Spired Ears initially, and that only increases from taking over the spire. Look more into "fiery druidic arrows" adjacent to Roth ramach and see if I can get them to mesh with red bolts. And same deal with AX turning night into day when flying around -- obviously "night" doesn't exist in a typical sense but the myths sure do fit.
And then, with more Ashcairns, AX's hosts (or redones) themselves should have deafening roars and be blinding.
Need to track xever/AX gryphon count yet again, and a loose end will be mentioning the nine gryphs that left and how much *tenacity* other gryphs have or something.
Imply that AX's seeds will sprout to give a red herring towards the great sprouts.
"Axis powers" is way too perfect of a phrase as far as subtle ww2 references go.
The other gryphs continued to be the second failure. Roars were not strong enough on their own for control–there had to be gryphon bonds as well, and those would take time to form. However, Hackett-underboss had peered deep into the one carrying King Francis and had found strong ties to Boundless Tree gryphs. Conveniently close to them as well–many gryphs would be under indirect control soon.
I *think* I fixed this later on, but I want to make sure.
I'm losing axis' voice and it maybe wasn't that good to begin with.
Less of a focus on hunger. I think I have some seeds now, at least.
Obviously need to make the Faejacent scenes weirder/more hallowed.
It isn't clear why axe is seeking magic if it just wants to eat minds. I mean, it is obvious to me (more minds gained this way or deeper satiety or something) but it needs to be clear to the reader too.
I now need to kill off the peaceful Pilgrim Ellis/Sutap plotline. I should instead focus on how eerily calm things are, and track axis gryphons closely to make sure *that* isn't a plot hole now -- look to the first draft to see how I was doing it.
Honestly, there isn't anywhere near enough tension in the wild ygg anyway; it could stand to use a redraft itself.
The third incarnation of the voice should be wilder and more unpredictable. I *sort of* got like that in the beginning, but it needs more depth. And it seems to fall apart entirely when I'm trying to convey complex events. I need more of a solution there -- interjections maybe? Madness mixed in?
I'm also making AX way too relatable in axis scenes of interiority. Need to scale that way back.
And no mention of the song turning into words ever again in AX, though it *is* a crucial story beat.
Mirroring Valeska's passage exactly without explicitly mentioning the song should work well. Just have to work on both concurrently to find adequate keywords.
