He's confused about absolutely everything -- what he's seeing, what words are, etc.
He falls out of the wake chamber and Fisher catches him.
Fisher says "whoa there oldgrub"
Fisher says the room needs more light because Bismuth's is too dim.
Fisher mentions that he used to build things for the Opalescent, particularly stone monuments
He says he'll help Bismuth ease through waking
He taps on a slate and is confused about what he's looking at and why bismuth's light level is so low.
Bismuth is confused about who and where he is and why.
Fisher asked Bismuth to tell him who he is.
Bismuth searches memories and finds that he's a wakeworm.
Bismuth tries to say this, but is too dehydrated to talk.
Fisher gives him some water, which he drinks.
Bismuth feels better
He clearly says that Fisher is a Wakeworm
Exposition on what Wakeworms are (via Bismuth remembering things), around resurrection.
Fisher tells him he's just been born.
Bismuth thinks that that doesn't make sense because he has memories of stuff, third-person though they might be -- Needs to be redone -- the italics are the only place I'm doing this
Fisher gives Bismuth a moss robe. First use of "newgrubs deserve the best"
Fisher gives Bismuth some mushrooms which he eats greedily.
Bismuth can't remember the mushrooms and asked Fisher about them and why they taste so good
Exposition on mushrooms, and bats apparently -- Definitely redo -- mushrooms are pretty vital but drop the "'em", heavily cut this back, and kill bats altogether since they're never mentioned ever again
Fisher gives Bismuth some yak cheese as well which also tastes good.
Slight exposition on yak cheese and Old Yakhand -- This recurs quite a bit
Fisher says that Yakhand has been making yak cheese since five of his deaths ago
Exposition on deaths, a reference to Eldrits and old Shovelhead -- Cut Shovelhead altogether, maybe move the eldrit reference
Bismuth asks about Eldrits
Fisher says "oh right, yeah you wouldn't know" -- Sort of a plot hole, easiest just to drop
Eldrit exposition -- Definitely needs to exist, but pare down
Fisher explains why he likes the dark wilds
Mentions Feldspar -- Can cut, since he mentions feldspar a few paragraphs later
Fisher says the dark wilds is beautiful
Bismuth says he'd like to see them. Yearns for it.
Fisher says he was bred for it.
Fisher says he doesn't know why he was bred.
Fisher says that Bismuth needs a name first thing. Early names are based on picking a rock.
Says there's nothing about the rocks that Bismuth knows -- Probably a big plot hole. Easy to just cut though.
Mentions Feldspar (there doesn't need to be another one running around)
Bismuth picks bismuth, naming himself Bismuth
Fisher introduces himself as Fisher
No one's called bismuth but a couple opalescent have the word in their titles -- Swap to one
He decides to name him Bismuth Low.
Mentions Lady Columbia who has Bismuth in her titles. -- Obviously, lady columbia is being dropped, but the rest of this is pretty good
He gives Bismuth a "newgrub proving" piece of paper which is never mentioned again -- Plot hole
Bismuth takes a nap at Fisher's command. -- I think it should probably be more Bismuth's choice. A small change but works out better
((( Chapter 2 could stand to be split somewhere, particularly if the Opalescent scene happens )))
Bismuth wakes from a dreamless sleep
Fisher and Feldspar are arguing -- Fisher turned the lights on because Bismuth's glow was too dim and Feldspar is mad because that's a lot of power -- Kind of weird, particularly since Fisher's glow should've been enough. Will need some work I think.
Feldspar mentions ameths for the first time. Exposition on rent and stuff -- Probably best to just kill all of this, make Fisher stupid for some other reason, bring in the ameths and rent later since the economy also makes no sense (a week of ameths for five minutes of light is absurd)
Light exposition on Fisher ruining a statue. -- Important
Mention of running lean this week. -- Honestly, just finding some other way of saying this (and maybe mentioning the statue) should replace everything including the below point.
Fisher has exposition on him catching a fish. -- See above. Also he's using crossbows, not worms.
Introduction to Feldspar.
Bismuth notices both of them are glowing -- This is probably getting moved to the very beginning, but it's definitely important to establish it somewhere. It's also super weird if it's here -- he would've noticed it on waking unless he was just way too disoriented.
Both are standing barefoot -- Purely descriptive and probably irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, though that does raise some questions, particularly around the dark wilds.
Feldspar says that Bismuth has taken his chair prisoner for a third of the day. -- First instance of the weird time system
Feldspar commands Fisher to bring Bismuth some breakfast.
Bismuth notices that he himself is glowing -- The rest of his description is getting cut altogether. The arm length is particularly weird -- if he had opalescent genes they'd be shorter than he expected. Safest move is just to cut it altogether.
Feldspar says, "yeah you glow bismuth, get over it" essentially.
Mentions slacker lightworms -- They should be mentioned early for sure
Feldspar says Bismuth should know what he's supposed to do now that he's been born. Says he'll send Fisher to take him there.
Bismuth doesn't know, which Feldspar is confused about -- Very important obviously
Feldspar notices on the slate that bismuth is a pathfinder, so there's freehanding involved.
Subtle mention about Bismuth being assigned to the Foundry and both of their friendships there -- Important obviously
Direct mention about Bismuth being assigned to the Foundry for one of the quarter days. That isn't normal, but it pays good. -- Same
Bismuth asks what a freehand is. More confusion that Bismuth doesn't know even that -- Same
Fisher brings Bismuth some food.
Fisher also brings Unweaned Yak's Milk for Bismuth, which Feldspar is shocked at because of how rare or expensive it is right now -- A running theme in this book
Exposition on unweaned yak's milk -- Could stand to be pared back a bit. The fish fertilizer stuff is particularly egregious; them being friends is good enough.
Feldspar continues to be amazed at Fisher and mentions rescuing him from Judgment.
Bismuth feels better after the meal, glowing again.
Feldspar asks if anything in his memory has been jogged now.
Bismuth doesn't have anything, except that he wants to go to the dark wilds. -- The below offer is more tempting if Bismuth really wants to go out there, so play it up in his internal dialogue a bit.
Feldspar has an idea of Bismuth bringing him the money he earns at the foundry + a freehanding contract, at which point Fisher will be able to take him out into the dark wilds early.
Bismuth is excited by this. -- Split some of this into the point above, just so it's more obvious.
Feldspar offers the chair again for Bismuth to sleep on. -- His attachment to a chair is hilarious.
Feldspar hunts around for somewhere to send Bismuth on the second quarter. Mentions Mossers and Watchworms. Then decides on Tom and the Jewelworms' big project.
Fisher says it'll take a full twelfth of the day before he's back, but Feldspar is exasperated at Fisher.
Feldspar mentions how boring it is at the Jewelworms. -- This is kind of hilarious in retrospect -- there's another reference to it as well and it ends up being a huge pivotal scene instead.
Feldspar mentions some planned deaths later on -- The Watchworms going out to the Nursery no longer makes sense, also Watchworm expeditions probably don't make sense. Ditch smelter project delays, that alters the vulcan events too much. Guild murders are weird because they're never mentioned again, and the tournament is probably getting cut. Honestly, it just makes sense to rewrite this whole segment based on things I know now.
Fisher mentions that the other Wakeworms don't help them -- This is kind of weird; they aren't explored in any capacity. Will want to worldbuild a bit here I think.
Feldspar mentions how he's unsure how they make rent and that they've been pulling most of the work -- See above
Feldspar sets it up so Fisher will go for whatever pays Bismuth the most, then off to Tom and to make sure he gets ameths both times.
Fisher briefly shows Bismuth around and says he'll give him a tour later -- Plot hole obviously
Exposition on rent -- This is honestly the best place to move all the rent stuff at the beginning of this chapter
Exposition on fishing -- Good god, Fisher loves his exposition
Fisher points to a tube that is powered by the lightworms, and mentions that they're close. -- This is a good spot for some light (heh) lightworm exposition. Can really set some of the stakes here too if I do it right (ideally without overwhelming the reader with exposition)
A promise to swing by gheechef later -- Obviously, will be cut
Bismuth is running really well compared to Fisher and Fisher mentions this. Another mention of running from Eldrits which is probably useless. -- A bit of a plot hole though because Fisher definitely does a lot more running later and isn't winded. Maybe it's better if he's trying to keep up with bismuth's pace and decides to move slower instead. Difficult to do that if he's leading, but good description would help.
Bismuth gets dazed by closely packed glows, and Fisher tells him not to look at it -- Cut, since this never happens ever again
First burrows experience -- Make it cyan
Fisher mentions Burrows by name and wishes there were more. Also a "whoa there newgrub" comment -- See, this is a good way to do exposition
Bismuth notices a second floor to a room. Fisher pushes his head down when he sees Bismuth looking there. -- This is actually an excellent place to introduce Opalescent stakes and mechanics without either of them being involved directly. I like the idea of moving the drill "I will break you" scene here and just cutting it from where it was before. Fisher and Bismuth are on the floor and stuff, as are the other people in the room. Maybe crawling slowly away. And then when they're free, Fisher explains things and what to do if Bismuth ever gets caught by one.
Anyway, Fisher looks at the slate and sees that no Opalescent are present but some are due in a few minutes.
Bismuth asks if looking at them is a crime. See above
Fisher is horrified and asks what Bismuth knows. See above
Bismuth knows nothing. See above
He figures it out, and talks about rebreeding himself as a pathfinder one day -- Rebreeding is kind of a weird concept that's mentioned a few times -- I guess the Ascended are doing it. Will want to explore in the worldbuilding. In any case, it doesn't need to be here. -- See above
Opalescent exposition -- A lot of important stuff in here, but See above
First mention of Limbo -- Should keep this for sure, but See above
Fisher says Bismuth is legally protected because he's a newgrub -- Cut obviously, also I don't like the word "legal" here. "by-law" is better since it's used elsewhereSee above
Mention of how to survive an opalescent encounter -- Important, needs to be stressed more, and See above
Some Fisher backstory which really doesn't make sense in context -- Explore Fisher's story elsewhere in the text to find this reference used. -- See above
Bismuth asks what Judgment is since it's been mentioned a couple times -- Make sure the number matches up.See above
Exposition on Gratitude Day -- Probably necessary since it actually happens but I can't imagine this being the best place for it, unless it's light enough. Also quite a bit of the exposition here is now a plot hole. Revisit, obviously. I'm rewriting this section anyway, so figure out where it's mentioned again and figure out a plan from there. Payments of rent is important but Low Opalescent aren't really a thing anymore. -- See above
Fisher is happy at all of this -- Super weird plot hole, but thankfullySee above
First mention of Ayrag and the Opalescent underground Gardens -- suuuper important. -- See above
Exposition on Judgment -- Important obviously unless I merge it with Gratitude Day -- See above
Another mention of limbo and first mention of the Gracious and their flaming swords -- Important obviously, though definitely not Fisher's feelings on the matter. A vague mention that limbo is time-based, which I honestly might want to cut to make it more mysterious -- but search around for it before I make that change or even see if it's worth doing.See above
First mention of Descent -- Super importantSee above
"Oh no, I've wasted too much time talking!" -- Yeah, no shit. Not a bad move to keep this in even without the excessive exposition though.See above. Should be the last bit of the rewrite.
Bismuth runs down stairs. He definitely wasn't bred for this. Fisher was.
There's a mention in the description of the Foundry that no one's eyes are normal -- Definitely should pay attention to mechanical eyes, but some of them (like Nat) are perfectly normal without rolling back, so alter the description here accordingly.
Introduction to The Queen of Swords.
Fisher introduces Bismuth -- Should be "the first quarter of each day", not "a quarter of each day". Or could even be "the first quarter day" or something.
TQOS questions why he would be assigned here since he's breathless from running.
Fisher mentions he's a Pathfinder and wasn't bred for stairs.
TQOS changes immediately and asks Bismuth what the largest Eldrit he's ever seen was.
Bismuth obviously hasn't done shit.
TQOS reacts impulsively and hugs him -- Kind of a weird reaction and not really in character
She does want to equip him though; has a sword of her own that she'll give him for his first night out. -- Definitely important
First mention of xanthite crystals.
First mention of Lady Vulcan. -- Uhh, aren't these all crystals? Change her prize to an ornate metal one or something instead. It's really a ceremonial thing anyway since they really don't need weapons.
Bismuth mentions his name and TQOS perks up even more.
Slight exposition on bismuth the metal -- Definitely changing a bit as subtle foreshadowing -- there's a note about it somewhere
TQOS agrees to Bismuth working there and suggests light work.
Fisher says nah, Feldspar told him to put Bismuth at whatever pays the most.
First mention of muckworms.
TQOS doesn't like Feldspar and makes this abundantly clear.
Fisher disagrees with her assessment. Mentions that he rescued him from judgment again -- do I really need two references to this in the same chapter? I'm going to go with no, since the other version of judgement is used in the next paragraph.
TQOS disagrees more. But says she'll give Bismuth as many ameths as they can spare. He leaves.
TQOS grills Bismuth on what he knows -- Nothing here whatsoever comes up again, so alter it to whatever it is Pathfinders and Opalsmiths actually do. Might require more worldbuilding.
Assignment to rote manual labor and exposition on the task system -- Can stand to cut this back a good bit, though people finding him (somehow) is important -- I'm thinking amethyst in heads has a lot to do with this, along with Fisher finding King Corundum and Lady Lachesis being watched, etc. Needs worldbuilding work at any rate. Also the task system is a joke between Nat and Wolframite later.
(( This whole chapter needs a bunch of work -- entirely too much description for what's essentially just manual labor. Also I could do something fairly interesting with Slagmover since he gets limboed. ))
Introduction to Slagmover Kyanite, who has mechanical eyes.
He offers a task, which Bismuth accepts
Slagmover asks him to hang his feed bag -- definitely not necessary, particularly since the "eat all the time so your glow doesn't dim" thing is getting removed
Slagmover attempts to get a belt to come out, but it fails. It's called Two Black Seventy.
He does stuff with his mechanical eye.
Bismuth asks wtf is going on and Slagmover says that Menders will be here to fix the belt soon and Bismuth will have to move things manually.
He shows Bismuth how to fill a big wooden bag with ingots, which bismuth does slowly at first -- Wood?
He brings Bismuth to a different forge where he unloads the ingots
They go back
Bismuth does everything on his own once
He shows Bismuth an hour-clock and water -- Hour-clocks aren't used at all, make sure they're not before scrapping.
Slagmover says Bismuth needs eyes.
Bismuth asks if that's how Smelters communicate.
Slagmover is irritated by the Smelter comment -- If scrapped (likely), this is a mention of the word "corpse-nurse" which might be important elsewhere, though it might also just be a Manflight then, which is definitely going away.
Slagmover says Bismuth is going to work for the jewelworms later and could ask them for an eye or two as payment -- Plot hole -- how does Slagmover know he's working for the jewelworms? Maybe TQOS says as much since Fisher told her. I guess just rephrase if this is kept. Also there's way too much eyexposition with no payoff.
Bismuth is squeamish but Slagmover says Natties don't have much of a choice.
He says something's wrong with his left eye and he can't get a mechanical eye there -- super weird plot hole
Bismuth asks what Natties are.
Slagmover says they don't breed much useful in Pathfinders -- Plot hole, Bismuth not knowing anything isn't explained by the pathfinder thing. Also drop the primitive mining stuff, etc.
Natty/Genee exposition -- Important obviously, but scale back a bit or move elsewhere. Maybe the best strategy is to have a short slagmover section and then get Seer Natty to do more of the mechanical eyexposition and also the Natty/Genee stuff. Also Guildlaw is a natty too. Doesn't that mean he has mechanical eyes? Should explore that.
Part of the exposition is that natties have an advantage in the dark wilds -- definitely a plot hole
Slagmover says that when the task is done, someone will collect him. Also points out the clock thing again.
Bismuth works -- This is definitely important, it ties into the lady vulcan scene later and showcases manual labor in general
Bismuth goes for a water break and notices some maintenance work on the belt.
Subtle introduction of Eld, Nat and Guildlaw.
Bismuth innocently asks them what they're doing.
Nat and Guildlaw chide him.
Bismuth works some more.
BISMUTH ISNT WORKING pun
Eld pulls her eye out -- It's funny but this isn't really how these things work anywhere else
Eld also mentions moving into the Mesh for diagnosis. -- No idea what they're actually doing here or how it's related to the Mesh, might want to worldbuild that aspect a bit
Intro to Lady Lachesis
She's been watching bismuth, he's weak and too curious (in general!)
She proposes that he join her mending team.
Exposition on kyanite -- super important even if it doesn't look like it here
She mentions her disgraced titles and wolframite name.
Bismuth does his apologetic opalescent thing.
She's not used to that and warms up to him.
Some light exposition on Lady Vulcan punishing her for being too curious and experimental.
First mention of the Transcendent.
She mentions that Sir Feldspar the Great saved Fisher from Descent (another ref here too)
Bismuth mentions the enmity TQOS has for Feldspar
Lady Lachesis has enmity torwards TQOS.
Some exposition on Feldspar
Some exposition on Fisher
He hasn't self-actualized his breeding -- this is important later
She seers (the first indication of this) that Bismuth has eaten dark wilds food before.
Offers Bismuth a lifenut, which he can't open, but she can with opalescent strength (first explicit reference of this)
Mentions it's from their Gardens (another ref here)
Bismuth can't stand it and chokes.
Lady Lachesis mentions that some breeding mixes things that aren't compatible -- foreshadowing/a nod to what Bismuth is (she knows full well what's happening here)
More seering via the crown that pulls out his actual thoughts of mushrooms tasting like a rich meaty soup. And the amount of food and drinks he's tasted -- Obviously this needs to be fully accurate. Also make sure this lines up with how Seering actually works (I think this was explored in the Foundry 2 chapter)
Bismuth is humiliated and she's laughing, and predicts he'll soon feel confusion and despair. Says they'll meet again. -- Same issue as the above. Grand Seering isn't outside of the realm of possibility, but this reading thoughts thing is odd. The Gracious do it too, come to think of it. Maybe there needs to be physical proximity to the head, and maybe it's something that low worms explicitly can't do. Idk. Will need to explore though -- the Opalescent scenes really aren't as scary without it.
She laughs at his discomfort and runs away with supernatural speed.
Bismuth is upset and muses that Lady Lachesis somehow knows intimate details of his mind.
Bismuth tries to use water to clear the lifenut out but makes a bigger mess instead. Also the vase is empty.
Wolframite intro
Wolframite is upset at the mess Bismuth has made on the floor. Questions him.
His throat is dry and he can't respond
Wolframite refills the jug and bismuth gulps it down.
Wolframite again questions him. Mentions sacred food -- Should probably cut the "sacred food" thing, particularly with Wolframite going subversive later on.
Bismuth responds "Lady Lachesis", mentions that he's going to work for the Menders.
Wolframite ignores him and does stuff with her mechanical eyes which Bismuth doesn't catch onto.
Wolframite mentions her good relationship with Lady Lachesis and uses her nice titles
But says that the mess is bad and Bismuth needs to clean it
She passes him ruby and greenschist rods and bismuth completely fails to use them in a useful way, making the mess worse
She calls the Menders out to fix the mess. They're in the Mesh -- Again, why are they in the Mesh? This whole thing needs work
More chiding on his stupidity
Says TQOS will be up to discipline him and the idea of him working with the Menders is appalling. She leaves.
Bismuth despairs at TQOS and his budding friendship with Lady Lachesis being undone by her pulling a prank and laughing at him.
Bismuth opens his feed bag for mushrooms and finds a strong kumis that Fisher left for him "for bad days". Eats some mushrooms too.
TQOS arrives
Bismuth tries to apologize, but TQOS stops him.
Says that Lady Lachesis has played a cruel trick and tied up the Menders as well
Guildlaw complains about TQOS bringing the Menders in to clean the mess
TQOS hates agreeing with Lady Lachesis but agrees that Bismuth is better served helping the Menders. As an assistant.
Says that whenever that's done, Wolframite will collect him for his next task.
She points Bismuth towards them and does some stuff with her mechanical eyes to set it up. Mentions the Longfin and Third-order nexus when it's questioned.
Says that it might be a longer task than expected and he'll be well compensated.
She's horrified by something (a nod to Lady Vulcan being there) -- Might want to make this less subtle
Full intro to Eld, Nat and Guildlaw.
Guildlaw remarks that Eld said his breeding was bad and offers Nat to help him dress for the Mesh
He does some ghee/water logistics for Bismuth
Asks if Bismuth drinks kumis. Bismuthy just did, so agrees.
Guildlaw pulls bismuth a kumis on opt, and some kumis/ayrag for him/nat/eld as well.
Bismuth questions the "opt" thing.
Nat and Guildlaw make fun of him
Bismuth notices Eld poking the lifenut mess and mentions a vague attraction and gets distracted and stuff
The "I was born yesterday" joke -- Obviously the "AWRGH" thing is out of place, but it's pretty funny otherwise
Nat dictates to Wolframite (mentioned here as "wolf") about how Eld hooked herself another fish -- Also funny. It should be "wolfy" though.
She helps Bismuth put his suit on but he totally botches it
Mentions that maybe TQOS will let him unspool it if it's this hard to get it on -- This actually happens
Exposition on the suit and boots -- Totally unnecessary
This segues into more eyexposition -- Probably also cuttable honestly
This then segues into him asking what an Eldeer is, which is necessary -- Necessary obviously
She makes fun of him again for not having Pathfinder knowledge. He's upset. -- super important
Mentions his birthright -- Cuttable, or alternately just subtly mention the prophecy thing here
She starts to set up his opts, mentioning that she'll tell him what an Eldrit is.
Bismuth mentions what his friend Fisher told him
Nat mentions that Fisher either isn't Bismuth's friend or is everyone's friend based on how long Bismuth has been alive. Nat doesn't like him and says as much.
Exposition on Eldeer and Eldrits -- Important, obviously, though I should probably cut the other one back a bit.
Bismuth asks if she's been to the dark wilds
She mentions that her and Wolframite go out there a lot, sometimes with Fisher -- Huge foreshadowing, lmao
Bismuth asks what a Shoveler group is
Exposition on ore fishing -- can scale this back
Exposition on Fisher's proclivity out there -- Can also scale this back. Still a good idea to have it though.
Exposition on shovelers -- Kind a lot of references to them, so I need to keep. It also clearly shows how anti-subversive Nat is. Maybe should redraft it a few times though to really get it doing multiple things.
Bismuth naturally wants to join them.
Another mention of the Gracious and how they ransack the apartment and ruin shoveler lives -- Could probably drop the other Gracious mention altogether if it's here too, or just hit it vaguely and subtly
Bismuth thinks the Gracious are the problem
Nat is horrified
Guildlaw laughs at this. Mentions immunity -- Immunity is a plot hole
Nat is still shocked, Guildlaw plays a realist and says he'll just get Descended soon -- not really foreshadowing, even though this totally happens
Guildlaw hits him to try to correct him -- Yeah idk about that; it seems like he'd be subversive, but then idk how open he'd be about it. Will want to really explore this angle at some point.
Guildlaw shows Bismuth his reflection -- Cut, obviously. Some of the descriptions in here are great though and should be merged into the Guildlaw one, but not exceed its existing length too much.
"The Ash un-re-anti-stabilized" joke. -- Good stuff.
Guildlaw tells Bismuth how to use his suit.
Some exposition on the Mesh + first mention of Uncertainty -- Should probably keep, it really sets those scenes up well. It's pretty light anyway.
Explains how to use the Agate hook -- Seems like way too much, considering how little it's actually used. Also, it needs mention that it only works on wires -- bismuth totally slips at some point later on and it isn't useful there. A lot of the rest of it seems like plot holes anyway.
Guildlaw walks into the panel and disappears. Nat mentions it's a paradox correction -- This is super weird, and not necessarily in a good way. I do like the idea of introducing paradox mechanics early like this though, so will want to explore alternatives.
Bismuth and Nat head in, and Bismuth shoots off, eventually free-falling. -- Weirdness mentions + a really excellent cliffhanger here is good stuff.
He takes a sip of ghee and puts out more light -- Probably a plot hole related to the "eat so your glow doesn't go out!" thing
Gravity is changing.
Bismuth drinks some ghee to ground himself.
Guildlaw's voice thinks Bismuth is way below him and sends him a Spool.
Bismuth attaches to the Spoolbob and is reeled in.
Instead of Guildlaw, Nat is retrieving him.
Bismuth asks why she sounds like Guildlaw, and she replies it's mesh Uncertainty.
She asks him to find a place where gravity points towards the actual Guildlaw.
When he finds it, she yanks on her reachers and arrives next to him.
She asks Bismuth to push off from the wires. He's scared but drinks some kumis and calms down a bit.
While falling, Bismuth sees that he's heading towards a big cluster of wires, but Nat is confused.
He smashes into them. This whole thing's pretty chaotic.
He can't find Nat but her voice says she's right next to him and is confused why he slowed down.
More weirdness, and Nat says that Bismuth fell into a Paradox. Her arm grabs him. She tells him to hold on while she checks something presumably.
Time passes and Bismuth can't find Nat again.
Five arms grab Bismuth.
Nat says she's going to pull him out, but all six arms pull Bismuth in different directions.
Nat tells him to find a Spoolbob. He does.
It tugs him out of the Paradox. No more cluster of wires, etc.
Guildlaw pulled Bismuth out, but some confusion here since Guildlaw isn't here yet
Nat moves Bismuth to the Longfin.
Guildlaw is here and says it's been hours.
It's only been a few minutes though, which he discerns via his mechanical eyes at Nat's insistence.
Nat tells Guildlaw about the Paradox and says that he needs to rescue Bismuth.
Exposition on Paradoxes and why Guildlaw needs to correct one. -- The explanation is a bit weird here. I mean to be fair the phenomenon also is. Also this should really come up somewhere else, like in the dark wilds.
They figure out there's a 15:1 time dilation -- Also something that doesn't come up nearly enough. Time slows a bit with the Eldrit encounter, but I should make one of them extra weird if I can.
Eld appears and says Lady Vulcan has been using the Uncertainty in the Mesh to Seer -- Cut, for a lot of reasons, and obviously. As well as anything that precedes this. SHIT.
Eld explains that she got stuck in a Paradox too, probably the one Bismuth was stuck in.
Guildlaw heads towards the Paradox.
Bismuth asks about Lady Lachesis being a Seer, what that is and Nat explains -- Fuck. I'm going to have to lead into this some other way, or move it to the other Seer section.
Bismuth understands how Lady Lachesis saw into his mind -- Cut, obviously. Too on the nose.
It's established that Lady Lachesis messes with the Foundry for her own ends -- Can probably just cut this. I don't know if this even needs to be a character trait, much less including it in the book.
This segues into some light exposition about Lady Lachesis working on an Opalsmith project with Wolframite -- ??? This never comes up again.
Nat establishes that Wolframite and Lady Lachesis are close. -- Important, but there's other references elsewhere.
Mentions that they have the same genes -- Also important. Probably just need to rewrite this section somehow. One idea is to get Nat to talk about Seering because of the context of Uncertainty. Not sure how that would go into the Wolframite topic, but I'll figure it out.
Eld says Lady Lachesis is Wolframite's wake-twin -- Important, since it comes up later. Obviously, this doesn't mean what I thought it did when I first wrote it.
Nat knows some of Wolframite's backstory but won't tell anyone. -- Seems like purely a conversational thing, can probably cut it.
Bismuth asks what the Opalescent secret project is, and Eld says she can't talk about it because it's secret -- Cut, but this is an interesting golem segue. I think maybe the best approach is to insert the golem thing into a description of Lady Vulcan or the foundry in general elsewhere. Maybe a TQOS thing -- she would be in the know; it doesn't really make sense for low worms to be. Once I figure out how a Golem fits into the Leviathan of course. And then could maybe add its description into the actual Leviathan chamber. Idk though.
Some stuff about Lady Vulcan putting Lady Lachesis on the project despite her "must be insulted" thing. -- Cut, obviously. This is a good time for some mystery for sure, but this kind is just a plot hole.
Nat says Lady Lachesis practically runs the Foundry -- Pretty weird, since it doesn't ever come up again. Also way too much exposition anyway; this section is better served for something else (like the Seering thing, which is a huge plot point and all. (I guess that would segue naturally into the Lady Lachesis thing.)
Nat says Lady Lachesis is malicious with Wolfy -- Important character-establishing thing. Though, idk if this actually comes up and also it doesn't really fit Lady Lachesis' character. May want to just cut altogether, and swap over to Lady Lachesis being snarky with Wolframite, which does fit her character. Nat not liking Lady Lachesis should be established somewhere, although it's interesting to note that they don't interact in the big get-together scene. Needs a lot of work at any rate, like this whole section.
Anyway, Nat isn't showing Lady Lachesis respect, which gets Eld to mention her lack of virtue -- Hmm. This particular interaction does actually make sense since neither one is subversive. May want to work it into whatever this section ends up becoming.
Eld and Nat go at each other a bit and Eld ends up smacking Nat.
Eld says she's gone Mesh-mad -- SUPER important. Also establishing that Nat is subordinate is also important for later (the Lady Vulcan thing in particular)
Nat says a bunch of science stuff that doesn't really fit in with the world's lore -- Scrap. I'm rewriting this whole section entirely apparently, so this should be easy to cut.
The mesh-madness intensifies to all three. -- This is around the point where things get back on track, so the changed scene is right before this point.
They leave the longfin and encounter Guildlaw.
His head is wrapped in something green and he's chuckling -- Obviously, need to establish that this is emerald without explicitly saying it -- that's in my notes somewhere. Moss too for that matter (because of the Mosser District)
Guildlaw says that he met both Eld's past self and future self. Future-Eld likes kumis. Nat calls it a far-future temporal paradox, but Eld doesn't buy it -- Yeah I should probably approach this differently.
Eld gets mad at this statement.
Guildlaw tries to put the mosscloth on her head.
She mentions that Guildlaw is going back to low smith freehanding and that his wife will get descended -- Some important stuff in here, but once I figure out how Guildlaw got in and how he knows Eld, it should be changed to fit his backstory better. And whatever's going on with his wife -- she wasn't going to be descended, Guildlaw II just hates here. So yeah, just change everything.
Guildlaw gets the mosscloth on.
Mentions that mesh-mad range has extended up here. -- The way mesh-madness and uncertainty works isn't clear. I mean, that's kind of the point, but I should probably expand the worldbuilding a bit and rethink either this section or future ones that deal with Uncertainty.
Eld recovers, and Guildlaw is okay with what she said, but is a little sad from something she said.
Eld says they need to either fix the Longfin or shield it -- Cut, you can't do that! She does need to command them back to the Longfin again though since the Uncertainty is getting worse. Not sure why Guildlaw has mosscloths but the others don't. Maybe just mention somewhere in the earlier section that he's overprepared. After all, there wasn't a lot of Uncertainty when they were in the Mesh before. Assuming they actually went in of course.
Guildlaw says TQOS should coordinate shielding on their end -- Same here
More problems and solutions -- None of these fit the lore, so cut them altogether. Maybe replace them, maybe not.
Guildlaw and Eld are diagnosing the connection points of the Longfin with claw-shaped tools.
Guildlaw yelps and Nat and Bismuth move over there.
Guildlaw and Eld identify that it's this particular connection point.
Eld commands Nat and Bismuth to find and fix the problem, while she and Guildlaw will go check other connections.
Nat can't find the problematic node inside the pit. They're all radiating Uncertainty within the normal range.
Bismuth suggests that maybe they're all bad.
Nat says that doesn't make sense but then says maybe both this one and the antipode went down. She checks with Eld, who seems to confirm it.
Various diagnosing of one of the nodes -- I really like these overly technical sections. Will want to make sure the worldbuilding is tight around them though.
Nat mentions that the quartz has turned almost to Obsidian (right now it's black quartz) -- Kind of weird. That was based on my old version of the crystals system. I guess it's plausible since quartz and obsidian don't really show up elsewhere. No idea what Quartz does, but Obsidian likely blocks Uncertainty altogether which makes Seering of anything contained within it impossible -- there's a ref in the Leviathan chamber and also iirc this is how the Transcendent room work (you just get a purple haze). Make sure that's accurate over there, and then could also make Tom mention a purple haze when he Seers below obsidian.
"Purple wires should only have a single connection" -- Interesting stuff, some vague tie-in to amethyst/purple eyes here. Should maybe use it some other way that hints at that deeper connection more.
More technical stuff -- Should really cut a lot of this back, it's pretty egregious, and all the actions aren't helping. I like it for sure but it's a bit extra.
As soon as the panel is fixed, it starts moving around via Uncertainty. All the connections are right, they're just different -- Big hint of how Uncertainty tends to work, particularly around Descent.
Some light exposition on the dark wilds. The rocks and mushrooms do this. -- The mushrooms do, but the rocks sure don't. Change this.
Light exposition on how the Longfin focuses and contains Uncertainty from all the metal and crystal power -- Should really be crystal power alone -- the density with them is the issue. Idk, will want to explore the worldbuilding around it in more depth. Also there's probably too much exposition again here.
Nat mentions that TQOS thinks that the third-order nexus is putting out Uncertainty spikes. -- Seems plausible -- if the emerald isn't working right, that actually fits with the real lore.
Nat says Bismuth and her can move around the bottom of the pit, fixing things as they go.
They move up through the pit as well, and over time more and more of the panels are already fixed.
They finish and go above, where Eld and Guildlaw are.
Guildlaw says that while they were working, he and Eld had been done for a full hour -- Double-check this against the timeline for the entire process, which I'm pretty sure I factored into the final time, but I'll want to make absolutely sure.
Banter.
Eld says the Uncertainty changed the Longfin entrance shift and she has to now find it. -- what entrance? Should really be something more like "the nexus connection point isn't where it's supposed to be" or something. Idk, should explore since access tunnels don't really make sense. I think the text is fine but I'm just reading it wrong, so it should be written better.
Exposition on the third-order nexus, helmed by Bismuth asking questions -- Probably a bit much, but I like how annoyed everyone is at Bismuth's questions, so maybe just lean into that more.
It's a long walk and Bismuth asks how big the mesh is.
Guildlaw says they're passing under Yak pastures or Moss Fields -- Yeah that doesn't make sense with the map. Alter or cut it.
Bismuth mentions Slates.
Guildlaw scoffs at this. More eyexposition -- Yeah, this is a bit much too.
The tunnel isn't where it's supposed to be, and the schematics are also changing. -- How? I mean it's cool and gets reffed a bunch, but again, how?
Guildlaw says it's ironic that they lose their way in the presence of a Pathfinder.
Nat says their abilities only come out in the dark wilds -- This is true for most of them and important.
Nat decides to Seer it instead. -- While important, I'm not sure how this works. How does regular Seering differ from Bismuth's version? It definitely takes a lot longer for Nat, so maybe she's finding connections. But there'd have to be clear things to hook into, visual cues, that sort of thing. Should explore this.
Guildlaw ties a string around her finger and heads off in the right direction.
Eld says the Uncertainty is higher than it should be and there's probably wells down there -- There aren't, though. Careful though, Guildlaw got stuck in one for a subjective day at one point, and Nat references this in the next chapter. Maybe just cut this one reference. Also what's a well? A paradox well? Need to be real clear with the world terms here.
They head down the access tunnel.
Bismuth falls as the Uncertainty makes handholds disappear. The reachers keep him suspended though and Nat is enjoying herself.
They get down and go into the next room.
There's a big amethyst ring and Guildlaw muses about breaking it apart into ameths.
Bismuth asks if ameths are amethyst and Guildlaw responds with sarcasm, showing him his bag. -- There should be saphs in there too, really.
Light exposition on ameth quality and how the Opalescent expect the pure form for rents.
Bismuth asks another stupid question and gets another stupid answer. -- Really like the banter here. Also reinforces Guildlaw's statement way later on about his greatest sin being his absurd curiosity.
There's a tunnel down into the Nexus. They take it.
Guildlaw warns Bismuth about high Uncertainty being super weird.
They get down there.
Everyone but Bismuth ducks under something invisible.
Guildlaw reaches the stalk in the center of the room and Eld commands him to set it to 75% Uncertainty.
The top of the stalk heads towards Bismuth who ducks, but the others don't (they already did) and just pass through it instead.
The room is smaller and the other rooms resemble this one -- Super important. This particular effect of Uncertainty comes up a lot -- the gem tunnel in the eldrit scene as well as Descent-land and the climax.
Guildlaw pulls mechanical arms and stuff off his suit since it's more cramped now.
Nat goes off to find the local Emerald.
She's in two places at once and isn't where she's supposed to be. Uncertainty weirdness basically. -- Again, something that comes up a few times. One of my more favorite effects of Uncertainty.
Eld also unloads her extra arms.
Guildlaw is looking around for the panel that disappeared -- Eld tells him it's in the ceiling.
She mentions that the schematics are very ugly. Guildlaw asks for them in his eyes and agrees.
Bismuth asks how and Guildlaw responds that the nexus is infinitely large -- Super weird and I love it
Guildlaw interacts with a light blue crystal and his hand bounces off violently. -- Big kyanite reference, so definitely keep. It needs to be cyan though.
It takes all three of them to pull it off because of powered kyanite effects.
Guildlaw passes an obsidian scythe over it and it goes inert. -- Obsidian depowers crystals apparently? I guess it does multiple things. Idk, will need to explore. Anyway, keep this story beat as-is, it's important later.
Guildlaw finds some kind of connection note there and asks Eld to navigate them to it.
They move through several rooms, many of which are mirrors. There's one with a bunch of inactive kyanite on the floor. -- Super important in multiple ways -- mirrored rooms, time paradoxes, etc
They come to a room at last that has "live kyanite".
They both use their scythes to deactivate it.
Eld actually kicks one and it starts a chain reaction.
Bismuth flees into an adjacent room.
When he gets back, the kyanite is all gone and the room is a copy of the entrance instead -- Weird, but there are mechanisms for this. It happens a lot in Descent so it's plausible at least.
Guildlaw rummages around in a panel and quartz has overloaded to ruby -- Hmm, reasonable I guess that Obsidian would turn into that, and quartz more generally. I guess I could keep that. Idk how you distinguish between latent power and active power though -- maybe it's the strength of the power. Will want to explore anyway.
Guildlaw needs new Quartz.
Eld knocks on the ceiling and a bunch pop out. They resemble the exact positions of the kyanite, closing the time loop.
Lots of Mending work with the crystals -- Again, like all the technical stuff. Provided it makes some kind of sense after worldbuilding, of course.
Guildlaw mentions that all they need to do now is fix the Local Emerald, and asks Eld where she is.
"Eighty thousand miles that way", pointing to a wall without a passageway -- Good stuff!
Some arguing and attempted problem solving (like dialing the Uncertainty back which would kill Nat).
Exposition on Obsidian -- Is all of this necessary? Probably not.
Exposition on Ruby -- Definitely unneeded. It should be clear what it does later on. Also it's changing to Garnet, but that's besides the point.
Exposition on the Opalescent stealing gems -- Definitely kill this, they're only interested in ameths and saphs. Also hunt down other references like this if any
More arguing about how to find Nat.
Here we go finally. Eld says they need a Seer and asks if Bismuth knows how. -- It should be very definitely established that Bismuth should be able to. More reference by Nat and/or maybe Eld noticing his purple eyes. In any case, Bismuth shouldn't mention that he knows he should know, and also it should be obvious again that not everyone can Seer.
Eld walks him through the steps.
Bismuth has his first Seering vision -- fucking incredibly important, obviously.
Guildlaw is impressed at Bismuth's Pathfinder ability and mentions how it was a really complicated Seering -- Important obviously -- he doesn't Seer a normal way here
He asks if she's found the Local Emerald and Nat replies that she has.
Bismuth feels elated that he's actually done something useful -- Important obviously but I want to make sure that I really hammer in the "he feels useless" thread before now
Bismuth explains what Seering looked like for him at Nat's request.
Some exposition on Uncertainty and the dark wilds -- Again, the terrain doesn't have uncertainty
Nat shows Guildlaw where the Emerald is and he starts working on it.
Bismuth asks what Emerald does, and Guildlaw and Eld explain -- Obviously, will want to match this to what it actually does, and also there's just way to much exposition in this entire section
Eld also mentions that the Opalescent want emeralds for their own projects -- Plausible, but this never really comes up again, so drop it; it's based on that old outline.
Guildlaw passes the Emerald to bismuth so it doesn't disappear from Uncertainty -- Uhhh.. how does this work? Isn't emerald immune from uncertainty? Will want to explore I guess. That said, this section is super important for a number of reasons. Will need some thinking I guess.
The emerald is heavy, but fortunately another pair of Bismuth's arms appears to help share the load.
Light twinning out exposition -- I guess this is the name for the phenomenon where Bismuth sees copies of himself. Should really fit this description into those sections since there's an actual name for it.
Bismuth asks if that's what Wolframite asks, and this is answered with no with some light exposition.
Bismuth sits down and the extra arms disappear.
As Bismuth stretches forwards, he corrects his own paradox when an invisible emerald falls into them.
Nat, Eld and Guildlaw are working. Pieces of purple wire are falling to the ground like rain.
Bismuth has a rain/surface memory -- Super important. It's weird that he gets it here and doesn't get it outside of death otherwise, but maybe it has something to do with the high level of Uncertainty around him. Seems plausible -- could maybe work this in subtly if it's the actual answer. Also change "my last two days" to "my time alive" or something.
Bismuth starts to fall asleep and considers sleeping for real but Eld awakens him -- Worded super weirdly. It should be a very relaxed state or something. Though that would imply Seering. Hmm. Maybe just drop it altogether and have him relax (but not to that extent) and try to sleep but Eld wakes him up
Nat wakes him up -- he nees to be awake or the emerald might disappear -- Again though, why? isn't it uncertainty proof?
Bismuth tells Guildlaw that he's working for the Jewelworms later that day.
Guildlaw backstory -- Apparently this is the full canon version of it. I really need to work out these backstories though.
Everyone gets done, with Nat finishing first.
Nat is looking at something in her eyes. She's getting pictures from Wolframite of people in the Foundry panicking from their repairs breaking the power flow -- Hmm.. I thought the communication lines were down. Maybe it should just be an intermittent picture-sending thing. Assuming that communication line down thing is even happening (that was a shielding thing, and that section's being cut). Also how does picture sharing work? Needs worldbuilding and other references ideally. I will add though that the repairs breaking the power flow is HUGELY important -- it leads directly to the Lady Vulcan scene.
Banter about Guildlaw -- Good stuff, even if the above gets trimmed down because it makes no sense
Bismuth and Nat put the Emerald back.
Guildlaw puts the emerald back and Nat and Eld clean the ground. -- This is important, but I just realized there should be purple wires littering the ground in one of the mirrored rooms. I thought there were, but should double check. This would be something a reader would notice rather than Bismuth.
Guildlaw asks how they're going to find the entrance, and Eld responds that they just have to find a mirror of it; doesn't have to be the original one.
They wander around a bunch of strange rooms randomly -- Love the descriptions here
One room has three emeralds and Guildlaw wants to pick up one, but Eld says that's not how Uncertainty works.
They find the correct entrance room and Guildlaw turns the stalk.
TQOS calls Eld in to make a report due to all the delays.
Eld says that Lady Vulcan is here and was visiting when the Foundry's operations were delayed.
Everyone's horrified by this, obviously. They decide to run.
The pit out is normal now.
Bismuth isn't horrified the way they are. -- While he hasn't experienced it directly yet, that changed scene will make him more fearful towards them, and I really want to lean in on the internal dialogue in the actual scene so change this. He should still be less afraid than the others though who have experienced it directly.
Bismuth stumbles a bit on their run a few times and Guildlaw rights him with his mechanical arms.
Once he's on a level surface though, he outpaces everyone else, because Pathfinders.
They all go through a Burrows.
A couple more trips and they get to the storage area.
Guildlaw stores everything in storage, just kind of throwing it all in.
Nat and Eld were wriggling the way guildlaw was -- Lol, I like the wormlike movement here. Should maybe incorporate some more worm motions elsewhere as red herrings for why they're all called worms.
Anyway, Bismuth doesn't know how to do the movements, so Nat decides to help.
She's undecided about Unspooling him though -- their haste makes it so that teaching him their movements would slow them down, but unspooling would also lead to Opalescent punishment.
Guildlaw unspools him instead so she doesn't have to decide -- Guildlaw is clearly protective of her, and this plays a big role in the actual Lady Vulcan scene.
They go to the entrance.
TQOS is there, and afraid.
Intro to Lady Vulcan -- Way too fucking long. Internal dialogue will round this out. Outside of her furious eyes and tall crow, the face section is probably the best thing to cut, in line with the other descriptions throughout the book. Also the long hair is super important; it, along with long beards, is a trait all the Opalescent have and the low worms generally lack.
Everyone besides Bismuth kneels, so he does too.
TQOS addresses Lady Vulcan very respectfully.
Lady Vulcan insults her and doesn't say much at first. -- Vitally important to the way I'm setting the tension of this scene up.
Lady Vulcan says her project has been delayed by everyone present.
TQOS offers to punish them
Lady Vulcan responds with light violence because TQOS interrupted her.
Lady Vulcan Seers the exact length of time that they delayed the foundry and Grand Seers the longer consequences of that. None of this stuff is said outright; she's just doing superpower stuff.
She mentions the Golem -- Important, but I haven't worked out where the Golem actually ties into the Leviathan yet.
Lady Vulcan then prepares to roast the main characters. That's the nicest possible way of putting it.
She roasts Guildlaw and tears one of his earrings out and crushes it.
She roasts Eld and pushes her sideways to the ground.
She roasts Nat.
Part of the way into this, she mentions that Nat was born of a "Disgraced sow and unbred boar", which means a fallen Opalescent and Natty. -- Very important obviously; the first implicit mention of Lady Clotho.
Nat isn't stoic like the other two.
Lady Vulcan strips Nat of all status.
Nat is upset, and makes the mistake of showing it.
Lady Vulcan sentences her to limbo for a month for her emotional outburst.
Guildlaw interrupts her and is choked in the air.
He manages to rasp out that he invokes Guild Law. -- Important in all sorts of ways.
Lady Vulcan asks TQOS if she accepts this challenge, and she does.
Lady Vulcan passes the buck to TQOS to dish out her punishment.
TQOS says she will, but Lady Vulcan recognizes the lie and roasts TQOS.
Mentions Pathfinders and their ability to transform society -- Obviously, change this bit to refer to the prophecy. And make sure the prophecy is clearly pulling on the same thread that both of these existing references are so it's obvious that that was the intent.
Says that she'll melt down TQOS's sword that she was going to offer to Bismuth and turn it into a statue that further insults TQOS.
She starts out by complimenting Bismuth.
As soon as Bismuth looks up, cautiously optimistic, she slams it onto the ground. She then basically tortures Bismuth with a spike that comes out of her foot, digging it into the spot that hurts a lot -- Super important in all sorts of ways. Also good god the level of horror here. Grumble's right, the rest of her dialogue is too far away. And that's kind of a running problem in this section anyway. More internal dialogue/emotions/heartrate/etc might help break it up.
Lady Vulcan asks Bismuth how he'd deal with the Shovelers and he responds with all the super-politeness stuff Fisher taught him how to do.
She roasts Bismuth some more.
I think this is the first explicit mention of genetics, and it's definitely the first mention of wake chamber slime -- Important, obviously.
Lady Vulcan says she's done playing with her food basically, and that TQOS should make sure there are no more delays.
TQOS replies very respectfully, and Lady Vulcan says her politeness is crude and unrefined.
She also mentions that her Breeding is experimental -- This is true; she's one of Antheia's partial Pathfinders.
statue. -- Important