Make a central checklist of every single character (alphabetical!) and anything that applies to all of them that isn't pacing/emotion/voice.
A character plan goes: arcs, then low-level motivation, then emotion, followed by pacing, followed by voice. One pass for each. Need to look at other vignettes where they're present too, and map these out beforehand in life-tree notation.
Fix Aety, Nonaxe, Xever and Hayden.
Do Axetheevery according to my notes here and the improved Aety/Xever/Hayden.
Then do Naggirps -- same deal here, drawing off both Aety and Nonaxe and whatever my notes are.
Do Myrddin and Olivia next -- they're linked heavily, there's the OM tree to consider, and I have leftover notes.
Qadira and Ryden and then Qadiryden.
Do anyone else with specific notes (F and Y at the moment).
Then everyone else. Alphabetically would be fun.
Draft 4
I'd want to look at the pacing of the book as a whole and the opening tones. The moment of Qadira watching AX spread across the city right after Cuyler's strong moment is a good example of an ideal vignette tone shift.
Figuring out all the chapter titles and reinforcing them (somehow) in the text itself.
Just minor line edits, word repetition and proofreading past that point. I have a set of batch notes too.
And trying to somehow reach 126901 or 126090 or 26*52*90 or whatever. I like the references being *directly* in the word count, and boy am I close (127083 as of August 15th). Only a couple hundred words off past the completion of the siblings project, but that might change over time. 127707 as of August 29th so yeah it's going up. There are probably things I can cut during draft #4 though -- tightening up language and whatnot too. Also the AX fix on draft #3 will probably help a lot. Make sure dinkuses aren't contributing to word count before I make my final set of fixes.
Fleurons and the fleuron poem. The book cover too, and formatting. I like the idea of chapter 30's fleuron being unusually big and split in twine too. No, mirrored is *way* better. But done in such a way that they're two halves of a whole. Also a fractal fleuron at the very end. I quite like the idea of turning Ellis's last line (changed) *onto it -- "A tree aware of a tree aware of" and then turning that *into* a fractal fleuron. And all of that inside quotes with the reiterated line by Ellis at the end. Also stick the fleuron numbers in a circle or something. Actually the quotes are unnecessary -- it makes the letter thing more subtle and I like the idea of not closing the quote.
Alter Myrddin and Olivia's vignettes right before the Rhizarium to (very subtly) foreshadow these events. And I guess merge them too into whatever they were thinking about before (Dilan and family respectively, iirc). Also add a touch of dramatic irony -- their plans after they do this (which they can't do as the plot twist kills them). Maintain Myrddin's Vastwood-spire reference if possible or migrate it into his other vignettes if not. Also not a huge deal -- Barrett and Sutap have their own.
And I don't like that they're going to Olivia's family's side of the world with that plot thread just being dropped when Aety becomes a Spriggan. Probably just needs more interiority on a third pass of MOAB. Or I could drop it if that doesn't work out -- it's only one sentence said by Myrddin, after all.
Olivia needs an arc about being more than just a pretty face, which gives her motivation to go to Vastwood.
Myrddin's arc in 18/19-MP needs some work I think. "It was a lot for Myrddin to take in" is the optimal moment for initial backstory. Also it definitely needs to be linked to his reveal about Xever/his family dying, to continue that thread as far as I can.
And Myrddin's arc about not being a hermit is ongoing, first with the release of Philipp (which is getting a rewrite). This kind of thing would have him be moved by Olivia's words. Should literally use the word "hermit" here somewhere, which reinforces his name (ideally with even more mythological connections -- primarily living around animals for example. Also that's something OM have in common -- M lives around animals and O has made them her main friends.
Both of these arcs should play some kind of role during MOAB. Yes, they still end up dying.
Yusrah/Francis/Fifi
Fidela had chiefed both the Spriggan Ash and Fae Ash, she must've been intimately connected to Bodhmall and the queens' revolt. I know Philipp was too. Fifi does need more work.
De-emphasize the need for violence in Francis's last vignette, and since Bodhmall committed it, lean *more* in that direction with the last Yusrah before F dies. Obviously I don't want her to be *too* close to it, but be more permissable.
Possible discrepancies with Yusrah/Fidela's ages. Yes, all ages are ambiguous by design but if they served under bodhmall they'd probably need very long lifespans -- this works for Philipp and Fidela but not so much for Yusrah, who doesn't have Fae blood. Furthermore, Francis has the same problem potentially -- I know he's younger than Yusrah but I don't know by how much.
While I'm on the subject, Yusrah's last POV is incredibly awkward, and does "as a girl" make sense if she was part of the queens revolt? Also make sure Francis's big vignette is consistent with Yusrah's backstory too.
I'm thinking Francis groomed George rather than the other way around. Should plant a clue to this in 9-G. And alter his POV some more.
Consistent gryphon pronouns. Going to be different from character to character -- Kawan and chimerines and probably Ellis are going to use the right one. Not Jadzia nor Ryden nor Myrddin.
Consistent gendered pronouns (or it) with leshians too. I feel like this one is going to change when they start getting close to Nonaxe. Chimerines obviously follow different rules.
Interior scenes that aren't logic based (like Barrett thinking) should be more emotional. ***Deeper***. 8-K and 26a-N come to mind.
7-O needs to be longer. Same deal with my action scenes in general -- F&S did this right.
Consistent wording of "it" and "her" when referring to the Source Ygg, on a character by character basis. And obviously subject to change (Q and R come to mind).
George needs more interiority around small actions and events, particularly early on. I made one small change here in his intro and it's great stuff.
Ellis needs to crack more jokes with Sutap and whatnot. Maybe not.
I feel like *all* of MO's transit vignettes should serve a purpose (beyond Nonaxe using them).
Qadira continues to be weak. Precision (like Tom) is what I'm leaning towards here). Honor makes a certain amount of sense too -- Ryden hints that their friendship isn't as strong because of how she is here, and Cuyler calls her bossy.
And, on a similar note, I need to make sure Thelma's arc (and subsequent heel-turn) makes sense. It sure didn't when I was writing it. Also, 26c-T will need some interiority, as will other sections more than likely.
Hayden needs more characterization when he's in the fae world I think -- just enough here to make his actions more clear.
Some of the character deaths arent affecting characters close to them as much as they would -- Lionel to Ellis and Winifred to Yusrah for example.
At some point in this stage, do a worldbuilding puns / myths reference draft. There's already a hell of a lot here but I'd like to deepen it.
All POV intros should have interiority, particularly Yusrah's.
Sutap might need a rewritten ending since he covered similar topics in the tears-tree. That second to last paragraph is *still* goddamned awful too.
Qadiryden needs to be a mix of Qadira and Ryden once I get their voices straightened out. Best strategy is to write each sentence from both and see how to merge them.
And, Naggirps needs POV-join voice work too, once Aety an Nonaxe have crystallized.
Forward/forwards, downward/downwards / etc. Mostly just needs to be consistent.
"That that".
"is is", if it exists.
Inconsistent capitalization of "the" in things like The Ferritinium, The Rhizarium, The Sanguineum, The Boundless Tree, etc. Do a case sensitive search for The to find all instances.
Do a search for second person pronouns outside of dialogue
Oh and watch for capitalization of words after dialogue with ? Or !. I doubt it'll be a problem these days, but you never know.
Mass punctuation errors when quote marks follow an em dash. Likely the other way around too.
Make sure all uses of "literally" are grammatically correct; I shouldn't just be using it for emphasis.
Make sure "stair" is used in the grammatically-correct way too, not the way I was using it in bCoD.
"That" and "who".
Make sure I'm using "egregious" correctly -- pretty sure I'm not and the mistake is egregious.
Semicolon usage or nonusage
Italics might be a bit much overall. Gotta keep all the ones in Zoelle's POV though, if not add more.
Triple spaces, punctuation missing a space afterwards, etc.
Fleuron poem
Thirty seven rivers flow Nine knives into ten gates go Two and fifty fires burn Ten keys locking nine realms turn
Four from here and six in all / six this kind While three are under jotnor thrall / three by jotnar are confined But thrice the rose and twinned the frog Eleventh hronir analogue
379052904633211
910 is still better because there *are* a couple 17 references -- look into the math and see why. Iirc it's just (52-1)/3 , but I feel like there's another one somewhere too. 19 might be involved somehow too.
(Copy into book #2 once complete here; might be something a Fae says. I'm sure it'll get memorized though.)
If possible, line "nine knives" up with one of Hayden's mentions of it. Thirty seven might work better -- the plot sort of takes off at that point. Depends greatly on how I'm laying this out though.
I definitely want to mirror 1-J of book 1 in Rosamund's opening. I think the scrawny kid is helping her too. The Eldprince stuff is cool.
Spriggans always float.
the thirty-seven rivers connection -- helheim *is* involved somehow, and both references in the book are related (the hronir in Francis's case and Baylor's death in Unsaw's)
Faeins *and* Spriggan-descended are in Druidia for some reason but it was ruled by Spriggan-descended during the Rainshade war there for some reason.
Druidia has a Silicolony, which produces either sand or glass. I'm thinking it's extracted from reeds which are a bioaccumulator, and this does tie in well to the aztec 52 god. Obviously the fixed cyclore would play a role too.
Incidentally, the myth of Amergin has something to do with the sea (as does George's Roth Ramach), so this would play a role in the grand dendrotelma (dendrothalassa?)
Theres an Egyptian entity called Ash or Yuc (an isomorph of Set). *Probably* a good idea to include here given the ankh and its lion or snake head. Interesting connections to the set animal and Typhon (who looks like a true chimera in some sources). Some links there to the Lernaean Hydra. Well apparently Tychon is *literally* the father of the chimera -- flawless then. Which could also be written as chimaera or chimæra, going full circle. Links to the Caucasian eagle and the Oceanid Electra (oceanids are definitely important to Melia and Aldheim). He was also burned to ashes and sent to Tartarus (either helheim or the void/jotunheim depending on what exactly I'm doing -- helheim does make the most sense). Sometimes considered to be one of the giants, which fits into jotuns as well. Anyway, definitely something *highly* worth exploring.
The void cut Ryden's hand and so has the hrönir. Feel like this will be important later on.
Platypodes and their mythology
Taking the whale interpretation of "hron" seems like it would be useful either here or in book #3. Though I do also like the Hœnir angle -- maybe he rides a whale there or something?
Ships should maybe be made from ceiba trees -- I also like the idea that the *kind* of ygg tree changes from region to region. Maybe it's a ceiba instead over in Druidia.
