These are the last set of big developmental fixes. The sooner I get through them, the better. Fortunately, they should be a lot easier than the ones where I need to make structured changes.
10-H seems to be too short.
Feels like 10-B should be longer too.
12-U's ending is a little too on the nose -- I want to do a red herring here of Unsaw capturing Deema rather than killing her. Putting something in Deema's POV about that would help as well.
12-Y should dip into her POV a bit. Might be a problem with other POV intros as well
14-T is *vitally* important but I've executed it poorly.
17-Z and 17-C feel too short. I also don't like Zoelle admitting that she's vindictive. Note that Cuyler can't successfully kiss Zoelle until 23-C.
Myrddin's arc in 18/19-MP needs some work I think.
21-K (and possibly 21-N and maybe even 21-J and 21-R) is written *horrendously* -- future events told via past events is mucking up the tenses horribly. Whenever this is done, make sure that Kawan senses the Source Ygg prayer in the same way that Inhatcheta did.
It isn't clear what Nonaxe wants to do in 23-N and this should be echoed in 23-R and later Nonaxe segments.
26c-T needs some interiority.
The ending to whatever the fuck the middle of 28 is called needs to be longer -- much like the Olivia scene there just isn't enough tension here, or triumph with magic either. Breaking up this section with "life-tree-thought said" would both establish wtf is happening *and* would allow Naggirps to try to move things. This also gives me an opportunity to expand the scene and get the tension of both to go to unbearable levels (AX would probably be close to freeing it for example). And then I'd need to alter the next AX vignette.
29-P is kinda ruining the pacing too, and it's more suitable for the ending. Honestly, it's fine. Having some climbing-down action that correlates with what Philipp is thinking about will keep the pace intact. Feel like there should then be some foreshadowing for Philipp doing climbing stuff. Maybe he has before? He doesn't really have that kind of backstory yet, so possibly a draft 3 thing. The fact that it mentions both love and legacy during the moment that AX's magic reaches its highest peak is great (a callback towards the vignette of Qadira screaming about magic, and the theme as a whole). Reinforce it. It's equally infinite too -- infinite leshians and all. Maybe have a third love/legacy/power reference earlier in Philipp's vignettes too.
29-Q needs more. Qadira does too, of course. Possibly a draft 3 thing.
I'm thinking Francis groomed George rather than the other way around. Should plant a clue to this in 9-G. And alter his POV some more.
25-K is too much, and it's almost straight exposition too. Outaide of the cyclore mention, there are very few essential story beats here. Interiority is probably a better approach, peppering in life-tree stuff as needed.
