These are the last set of big developmental fixes. The sooner I get through them, the better. Fortunately, they should be a lot easier than the ones where I need to make structured changes.
NOTE
10-H seems to be too short.
Feels like 10-B should be longer too.
12-U's ending is a little too on the nose -- I want to do a red herring here of Unsaw capturing Deema rather than killing her. Putting something in Deema's POV about that would help as well.
14-T is *vitally* important but I've executed it poorly. Maybe it could happen in the present? That wasn't a huge deal with Kawan's vignette. Unsaw references it but he doesn't have to. Or it can wait until later.
17-Z and 17-C feel too short. I also don't like Zoelle admitting that she's vindictive. Note that Cuyler can't successfully kiss Zoelle until 23-C.
The ending to whatever the fuck the middle of 28 is called needs to be longer -- much like the Olivia scene there just isn't enough tension here, or triumph with magic either. Breaking up this section with "life-tree-thought said" would both establish wtf is happening *and* would allow Naggirps to try to move things. This also gives me an opportunity to expand the scene and get the tension of both to go to unbearable levels (AX would probably be close to freeing it for example). And then I'd need to alter the next AX vignette.
29-P is kinda ruining the pacing too, and it's more suitable for the ending. Honestly, it's fine. Having some climbing-down action that correlates with what Philipp is thinking about will keep the pace intact. Feel like there should then be some foreshadowing for Philipp doing climbing stuff. Maybe he has before? He doesn't really have that kind of backstory yet, so possibly a draft 3 thing. The fact that it mentions both love and legacy during the moment that AX's magic reaches its highest peak is great (a callback towards the vignette of Qadira screaming about magic, and the theme as a whole). Reinforce it. It's equally infinite too -- infinite leshians and all. Maybe have a third love/legacy/power reference earlier in Philipp's vignettes too. Also, Wouldn't Philipp experience the red bolts shooting out of everything too? Regardless of what I do here, 29-P needs to be rewritten since it's word salad. Keep the geranium reference and maybe try to add a fungus to it, unless Jadzia has it in her vignette instead.
I'm thinking Francis groomed George rather than the other way around. Should plant a clue to this in 9-G. And alter his POV some more.
Shorten what I believe to be 12-B (when he starts thinking about future plans). The new stuff is good, but the old description) thinking is too long
Smooth out the Cairn's Council vignettes after Barrett first talks to Lord Sophus. Obviously, Lord Sophus has *other* ideas about why the Ashcairn is red, but is still concerned.
8-K is overly high in exposition and overly low in emotion.
