Within an hour" -- it's a hell of a lot shorter than that! Unless I do some wobbly time skip stuff inside a POV which I might want to with FBMO. Actually that's perfect. The rhizarium has always been the time skip place and it *is* a circle. Fits the clockwise thing too. Everything is just perfect.
Considering 28a-M and 28a-O are the last time they're alive and not fighting for their lives, there should be more interiority. Maybe not *too* much, I'm super close to the climax.
Everyone should be moving clockwise around the Rhizarium. Do this last -- also it affects all of BYSELF, Kawan, and JKES too.
Yusrah needs more characterization, particularly backstory about how she got her position and what she thinks about Frankie's and how wrong they both are.
Think I've mentioned this, but Yusrah needs backstory that Francis doesn't think and vice-versa with Francis's. It would also be great if this backstory implied that she'd go with him if he considered it.maybe she wants to be highest queen and never talked about it with F because he wouldn't understand lmao. The sections where they're moving gryphons seems optimal since nothing else is happening -- can tap into the metaphors here as well.
Move the F and Y backstory back a bit so it doesn't break the post-V pace. Then just reference it and how they wouldn't understand each others ambitions and can't go with each other for that reason. That'll change Y's ending and climactic moment too obviously.
I like the idea of F and Y drifting apart on the life-tree after Naggirps does their thang. Not as far as Q and T, maybe just one jump. Those sections are getting a rewrite anyway, so the timing isn't a big deal. Just make sure that it doesn't interfere with MOAB and the QT jumps.
The Mausolean area of the rhizarium should always be referred to as being one quarter clockwise from the entrance
Mausoleans should always have white hair
Barrett's last POV should mention the Ashcairn being red and stuff. He probably thinks this is normal. Theres another POV in between too. He needs to wonder about it or it needs to come up in dialogue or something.
Make it *very* clear that there's a long staircase leading to the Ashcairn. That's the only explanation given for why it isn't converting the council. I like the idea of having multiple pieces of foreshadowing suggesting that it's the dangerous place, when the *real* danger is outside -- that makes the huge plot twist hit harder.
I'm thinking things in 21-V's plan (which is heavily reworked) should make appearances during the Cairn's Council and help lead to them kicking Barrett out.
I have a hook in the improved Francis vignette now for Lord Sophus to realize the sprigging queen thing is coming to life (see all the chimerines as well). I'm thinking the later BFY vignettes will kick this off -- it ties into Barrett's paranoia and also the Mausoleans knowing what to do with Olivia's blood, and the idea of a second attack (which I think has already been hinted somewhere), and from there I can greatly expand the MOAB sections to get that clockwise time-skippy Rhizarium stuff.
