Pholus -- "it" for Jadzia. Next is 10. Check siblings, Kawan, etc
Pholus -- "it" for Ryden
Kawan -- possibly "her" for Raptorlet depending on how he views Aquileo.
Nonaxe -- possibly "her" for Raptorlet if she sees Aquileo as a "he". There's a really brief window for this. Also continue and make "the Aety" have the same pronoun. Will be awkward in 26+
Does Jadzia know Ryden's gryphon is named Pholus? Make sure it's consistent. There's use of this in the final siblings vignette too, though granted Jadzia would know everything by that point.
Does Ryden know Jadzia's gryphon is named Raptorlet? Make sure it's consistent.
Barrett being a thorn in Francis's side is kind of a plot thread that goes nowhere. Best to just drop this kind of thing. Look at every single Francis and make alterations as needed. There does need to be *some* reason that Francis has misjudged Barrett however, or a later vignette won't work. Easiest fix here is to change the thorn stuff into that better reasoning. I like the "philipp-equivalent" mention, and think it probably just needs more interiority to pull it off. The "scourge" reference is good here; ties that up nicely too.
Barrett should always refer to Aetos as the "great gryphon". At least until he thinks it's enchanted. Do this after the rewrite. Just look at every single Barrett from start to end where he's mentioning Aetos
Make sure Inhatcheta is always using her roots to xylempse.
Make sure Unsaw is always using his roots to xylempse.
Make sure Nonaxe never uses her roots to xylempse.
Past the new hook (where Inhatcheta dies), make sure KN are using xylempse.
The other siblings should too once they get exposed to the word -- not sure how this comes about, or maybe the swell-son itself does this if it's later on.
Look at the first mention of xylempse and make sure it's neither too early nor too late.
There should always be references to Low Vastwood and High Vastwood with "Vastwood" being the group name. And if I do end up going this route, calling it "United Vastwood" (with the place name staying the single word) in Yusrah's POV (and later) makes a certain amount of sense. The Spriggans can of course keep the old titles. I'd also want to make the section that explains *how* Vastwood unified less redundant. I also need to go back through and double-check. Just do a search for "Vastwood"
It feels like it takes Kawan and Nonaxe longer to get to the tears-tree ygg from the entrance of the wild ygg than any other group, but maybe I'm imagining it. Might be a function of less POVs or it may have just felt that way when I was writing it.
Make sure the rain (and later turning-into-darkness and pure darkness) is consistent. And when it starts to get light again too (and why).
I do love how the Source Ygg is both the world-tree and its root -- I just want to make sure this is consistent throughout.
I'm not sure what the ancient war was, and it's okay if this book never does, but it should still be *consistent*. This is going to be substantially different after the full Barrett revamp (the Valeska revamp already did a lot too).
Make sure Valeska's movements make sense -- she's basically going back and forth between her throne room and Ashnode, but there might be more discrepancies there than just the first one. Probably fixed after her revamp.
Say Olivia's words out loud and time them. Honestly that's a big scene and needs better pacing anyway.
Olivia should think about the words that entered her mind at some point -- the communication chapter hints at it. There do seem to be references to this when she talks to Cuyler, but I might need more. And prior to her getting her message.
Make sure I'm handling Francis's overarching plan well. I think I am but I want to make sure.
