Use "sprig" more frequently, particularly around Vastwood and the POVs that come from there. Apparently a sprig *is* part of a tree.
Similarly, mentioning the rust growing on both ash trees and the Sanguineum isn't a terrible idea. Vague early mentions on any area relevant to the AX plotline would be ideal.
There's an interesting coincidence of "lone" appearing near mentions of roots. Reinforce this so it's true for *all* uses of both words, and be egregious here before the "source ygg's lone root" is actually mentioned. "Satellite" is the next instance on the "lone" side of things, and there are a few that need me to look up idioms, definitions or (amusingly) use "route" again.
All mentions of the seven siblings by the other members should be in the order given in the ending. This includes Nonaxe telling Ryden stuff and Kawan telling Sutap/Ellis stuff.
Winifred's other meals should foreshadow upcoming events somehow. The chimera one already does. Her eating mushrooms (before the Puccinia naming) makes a twisted amount of sense. And then honeyed sprouts (shoots) at the end. Great big ones, maybe! Or balanced in some subtle way. Maybe even an exact nine. I like the idea of it foreshadowing MOAB instead -- M and O are *literally* sprouts (shoots) in honey. Not sure what to do with the soup -- phloem actually works unreasonably well because of all the references there. Could do merachnids to represent water and chareed bits to represent fire or whatever. Mushrooms and eggs after the new AX works great. Then maybe her last course can mirror Olivia's (xylem+shoots). But some of the shoots would be honeyed.
I feel like there should be a mention of "ashen" *somewhere* too, near a fungus reference.
When characters are confused, say that it feels like they're missing half the story, or something like that. Only when magic is explicitly leading to the confusion though.
Look up cow/snake idioms and use them after ophiotaurs are introduced so they get tied in more with stuff. Same deal with glowbees to a lesser extent (busy as a glowbee for example); they do already play a major role.
Valeska and leshians both come from Slavic origins. See if there's more I can do here with slavic mythology. They're kinda on opposite ends of this world's spectrum, to be fair. Zirnitra, Lisovyk, Veles (has an underworld and an ophiotaur connection). I do have a Perun now. Check into other Rodina planets.
Reinforce chimera descriptions with that of tzitzimeh. The eyes already work well. Maybe some myth references in Sutap's recollection of cyclore-maws.
Needs research, but "sprig" is also a metallurgical term so it could be good foreshadowing or just flavor.
"Great Eagle" is unintentionally a Tolkien reference, so make it an intentional one.
Similarly, "red rider" is unintentionally a war horseman of the apocalypse reference, so reinforce things here in places where this word appears (the new AX is a particularly good target because of axis motivations).
I should make some "bud" puns. "Look for things like "potential" (and thesaurus words I know I'm using) and correlate with the database. "Buddy" is out of place though.
Something in the Qadiryden area should use the word "parallax", since it's literally the first and second eyes bonding. Subtle would be better, but there's plenty of opportunities otherwise since this is metaphorically happening too. Look up the word's definitions. Also there is a parallax ref somewhere, and I think it was part of a different subtle project. Look into it. Theres also the hayden one and the xever one.
Subtle axiom references -- the axiom of infinity and axiom of constructibility seem relevant.
"Kawan tied the last knot" -- perfect opportunity to hint at the sprawling tree of the story itself.
I also like the idea of comparing AX's spread to one. And Xever'a gryphons to a lesser extent. Everything is a tree indeed.
More foreshadowing of the main plotline, *particularly* the messages aspect of it. And AX too I suppose. Inhatcheta has one now but I optimally need more so it's smoother.
AX ate all the plotlines like a vine. I should make some reference to this somewhere.
Some kind of tongue-in-cheek reference to the rush song would be great. A chapter with NIU makes the most sense, and some line about equality or whatever. And a rush of thoughts or something. Or just using that word in N, I and U. The twin ash trees being chopped down is probably better, literally mirrors the song already.
If the ashes turn yellow in 26-Q, then I should make a reference to yellow ash trees (bonewoods). Actually this works better in Valeska's POV because she's in the crypts of Faeheim. Bonewood is also an apt description of the sleeping Fae. Throwing something in the bugenette where she gains melias might probably makes the most sense -- yellow trees like bonewoods or whatever. Or the yellow book.
I think there should actually be some reference to Ryden's father during the first swell sequence. Very very subtle, and important to book #2. Looks like the best seed are Ryden's twin knives, which were held in hands of opposing blood at the peak of the swell -- I need a subtle reference when he pulls these out later, and/or during his "my family believes in myths but I don't" sequence, and then some mention of them during the ending too. Zoelle is already giving a very subtle clue here with "reach back into that swell you shared with Jadzia". He had the knives on him while fighting the first chimera, so they may have ended up with Qadira and Thelma, or BYSELF. Maybe both! It ending up on Francis's men makes the most sense actually because of the three three three and the Hayden nine-knife thing. Francis' men finding the knives inside all the trade goods makes that plotline relevant later on. Also, Qadira interacts with Rosamund at some point and should pass her version of the knives on after they fall out of the first chimera encounter. And Yusrah should pick up the one Frankie *didn't* stab into Aetos. And Rosamund should stab one into Unsaw too. This conveniently creates a "frau" word. I think getting the knives to interact with both sides of a Spriggan is important here (just like the JR/tree that happens very early on). Also, weird spatiality stuff clones the knife in Aetos in Vastwood, and morrigan in book #2 clones Rosamund's knives, bringing the total up to nine knives, which either has something to do with the nine realms or the nine barriers between the six worlds (does that work?). There's ten barriers, but nine knives for ten barriers sure does work well because of the 90 thing (and tons of other references to 10). Also the knives should be referred to as hrönir at some point. Incidentally, the phrase "nine or ten" is an excellent way of pairing the two in a 90 reference. Also ten by itself is perfectly okay, because there are ten barriers between the worlds. Pairing standalone "ten"s with the word "gate" would be nice.
Make sure I'm using Valeska's (and likely Xever's) words accurately
Work "the same thing" into the vision of the Source ygg being its root if I can. That's a powerful scene though.
Interestingly, there's a 52 aspect with the morrigan too (the 26 sons and 26 daughters). Make a note in the book #2 thread to keep this in mind. I'm also thinking that Rosamund is descended from her, and Melia+morrigan=Pholus, which explains a lot of the lore around fae not taking bonds of love / the whole hangup with Zoelle. That would make Zoelle's descendents derived from her, Cuyler and morrigan simultaneously, which just makes way too much sense. And Pholus being related to the morrigan explains a lot of what that fae's line is capable of.
Velesa is *way* better than Valeska. Carries the same ruler connotations but has direct links to Veles, which is already heavily implicated in what she's about. Linked to willows, which "sallow" is a type of -- and she does use this word! Use "willowish" (color) and "willowy" too -- iirc that's a pretty apt description of a faein.
To pull off the Velesa change, she should probably be the one using ophiotaur wordplay.
I think maybe I should invent a name for Jadzia -- Jariloka or Jarilka. Interesting connotations between Jarilo and Veles here, and there are various motifs I can repurpose like raptorlet being white. Also the sore-footed god, so have some mentions much like that for Jadzia's own long walk to find Raptorlet. Already have a cattle reference.
Ermolai for Ellis is pretty good -- hermes connections there, which I can reinforce. But still Slavic! And hermes is a trickster god. Good stuff. Boundary breaking stuff too, still has the underworld connection like Eshu, something about cattle (which could reinforce Velesa).
Ellis should take off his sandals when fusing with the swell-son -- obviously there'd need to be other references to them, but this references moving between worlds. Wearing sandals because of his roots (and the ref being there in) makes the most sense. And make damn sure that's an actual myth reference before making that change. Plenty of other hermes things to do too.
Aety should be referred to by Hayden as being grim-eyed, assuming I know what that phrase means. "Grim-eyed lion" needs research again.
Aquilleon might work better than Aquileo, and *way* better than Aquilaleo. Will take some work because K capitalizes it and N doesn't.
If I get it right, Queen Winifred could be a personification of the queen of the yellow plague when she enters during P's vignette. It lines up pretty well with the story of the kings getting increasingly separate from their original form of power. Which mythology is this from?
"Spire" has a plant-adjacent verb form that could be useful. Do research. I think I have a reference here in Lionel's "spires were a sprout of a greater tree".
One of the Bryopolis descriptions should use spores metaphorically for the spread of villages. Probably the one where it's said it isn't a city.
Maybe some connections between the life-tree and the biblical tree of life. Pairs well with the demiurge probably. There are other versions of the motif that might be useful too -- needs more research. "knowledge garden" is very definitely an unintentional biblical reference too.
After BYSELF and before the tearsun light starts to come back, use words like "lunacy", "lunatic", etc since its the lunar eclipse phase. Also look up mythology around them. Obviously don't use these words elsewhere and be kinda heavyhanded too. Sublunary, hecatomb (and anything related to Hecate more generally). Also searching up "luna" in my own database should be useful.
On a similar note, Hecate herself has a 3-aspect and is associated with both magic and the underworld.
On that note, when the light comes back, use words that describe solar eclipse slivers or coronas.
I like the idea that Aety's cat form resembles a jaguar too -- very easy to describe (philipp's description later should mention how hard a spotted coat is to see up high in rain), and some very interesting mythological connections. The mythology is pretty much spot on (pun intended) for what Aety can do. Way better angle here and easy to distinguish without literally saying "jaguar". Also Olivia's description in 21-P would need an update.
On that note, maybe use that exact pun with some of Aety's vignettes, so he's "spotting" things.
I'm underusing the chimera myth -- there are in fact three heads there much like the three powers of the Axis and also HXA being bonded together. The lion is obviously Aety, the snake would probably be Hackett and the goat Xever -- would need to insert vague references here somewhere. Xever does have that nurturing/wildness of nature duality going on -- love for Myrddin but a desire to serve Velesa. Look into it. Lots of ways to play Hackett here -- hissing, describing the passageways as serpentine, sneaking, wearing scale armor, etc. bleat/caper/capricious/kid/buck(verb) all seem like good targets for Xever, ideally used in close proximity to one another. Should do this with Hayden too and Aety, ideally all within the same chapter so it's more clear what I'm doing.
All three instances of "th" by itself should use the word thorn nearby. (Diyani, Lionel, Sutap). Easy with diyani since flowers are involved. Also cut thorn references elsewhere unless they're reinforcing the motif. And look up thorn mythology of course.
The "stronger, keener, sharper" thing should reinforce the three heads of the chimera and the three beings merged together. I'm thinking I just use those words in HAX individual vignettes and try to tamp down on them elsewhere ("stronger" would be hard, but obviously I can thesaurus it). And pair them with the three animals as well of course.
Making AX out to be some variant of Perun works all too well, so maybe cut the leshian ref and change it to something else. Literally wields an axe, the color red, bolts, etc.
There's some Aztec thing about tezcatlipoca transforming himself into a tree. Look into it since this literally happens in the book. Actually the flood fits *very* well since the weir-fixers moved to Druidia and there's the dendrothalassa. Will need some edits to properly foreshadow/mythologize this, but Inhatcheta's backstory vignette needs better pacing anyway. Also see what the weather is like in Rainshade during the time. Also could use the X yggs away for a subtle Druidia reference -- still fifty-two I think. Convenient!
Golden apples are linked to both Aetos and Irish mythology, particularly the otherworld which seems pretty damn relevant.
use the word "balance" for Faed branches shrinking back from gryphons and also for whatever deema's blood is doing.
Fit the om mudra into the moment OM's hands touch somehow (or just that general shape of circle, referenced again in Inhatcheta
There's a welsh song "the Ash Grove" that's usefully adjacent to themes of love. Needs research to find the most likely set of lyrics (or what they have in common), but should be able to embed this in almost verbatim. A bit different with the renaming of it as the "grove of ash", but still very definitely works.
Should use "girdling" (or a better word for both) for any event that leads to Valeska losing her magic. Circles are a big theme already. Look into Zoelle's actions as well. And perhaps the Fae since they're ultimately causing it. There's some of this already happening.
AX Dump
Use myth-adjacent metaphors in AX for Cnamhcaill. The word "pillar" comes to mind.
AX should use "rowing wheel/oared wheel" or adjacent to describe his forces early on -- he is *mostly* the Spired Ears initially, and that only increases from taking over the spire. Look more into "fiery druidic arrows" adjacent to Roth ramach and see if I can get them to mesh with red bolts. And same deal with AX turning night into day when flying around -- obviously "night" doesn't exist in a typical sense but the myths sure do fit.
And then, with more Ashcairns, AX's hosts (or redones) themselves should have deafening roars and be blinding.
knobnut soup and stalacts should be subtle foreshadowing instead. The best solution at the moment seems to be "furredshoots".
To reinforce this, Naggirps's Spriggan form should mention furred shoots or something.
Olivia should wonder if a "second set of shoots could fix it". Too good.
Other options are "sequinedshoots"secantshoots", "seekingshoots". In those cases, Jadzia needs to see a second set. And with sequined, the word should be used elsewhere for example in Valeska's palace or describing AX dots or George's sheath. If I go this route, Aety will also see it at the end of 23.
Anyway this requires fixing all of Olivia's descriptions. And jadzia's when she goes above.
For knobnut, xylem makes a certain amount of sense -- this then means that the soup is xylem+shoot.
Do some vague foreshadowing at the moment where there's exactly 7 POVs early on. And chapter 7.
And another one with 11 - mentioning "threads" and "lingering" multiple times. Chapter 11 and 11 POVs.
"Handle" with 13 early POVs and chapter 13. And anywhere 13 itself appears.
8 and 17 should be used in 21 if I can swing it. I think there's already a 17.
Do research into hexagonal numbers to see if I can reinforce that even further since 37 is one.
References to "ten" or "ten*" words (like tense, tender, tenacity, tendril) near references of tearsuns or inswellians. Possibly cyclore-maws as well.
The darkness chapter uses thirty-seven twice, and this could be a reference to the 37 rivers of hvergelmir, which does have connections to helheim. Some subtle reference to rivers in both one of U's vignettes and one of F's would work (that's the same way I'm handling Melia after all). "Current" perhaps, or just do wiki into rivers and write down anything with multiple meanings. Iirc, Unsaw's ref got moved.
Having a Rosamund vignette at the end of 26 makes a certain amount of sense because of the cutting of life-trees. Definitely kicks off book #2 too. Also this will have something to do with the hrönir she buried in Unsaw, so a late fix. Also the fleuron here would be different (it already is because of the double chapter, but different from 28 too). Could do something subtle like "the life of the freeman ended" so life-tree is technically present in the vignette (it doesn't have to be in all of 26 but it would be neat if it was). Additionally, should make it more clear that Naggirps is breaking the barrier between life trees too. It's a bit glossed over. I no longer like this idea, but there's other stuff in the note now.
I really like the coincidence that the life-tree chapter is 26 and there's all these references to the number throughout. Maybe Valeska could be one too -- K has a reference to her (though I think that section is getting redone). It's also the gematric number! I can also do some reference to it in the Ferritinium -- it's the element number for iron. Theres also 26 sporadic groups, I'm sure I can find a reference to add there. One possibility is to mention "hexagonal numbers" and "sporadic groups" offhandedly when Hackett talks about numbers sharing mathematical significance.
A final word count of 121680 is equal to 26*90*52, basically all three things that are important in the story (the life-tree, AX and yellow fire). I'm trending on the high side of 125k though and that'll likely go up with pacing and description edits. Also this would be the kind of thing I'd need to work on during (or after) the fourth draft. If it turns out this simply isn't possible, then making it a multiple of 26*90 would probably be easier, or just 26. 126901 would be pretty cool. Also currently trending close to 126090.
Find the "gates" and "ten" note and change it to "connection" or "connected" instead. Better foreshadowing and easier to use too
By sheer coincidence, Jadzia's opening is 26 words. I do like the idea of making every POV like that. B and H are close. Kawan is 26 too. Neat. Maybe just maintaining J and K and then doing something with the number 90 when AX forms. Or doing 26 words whenever something substantial happens with the structure -- J jumping back to first, Nonaxe / Zoelle moving, the middle vignette of the life-tree chapter, Olivia being ing Aety back. Look at Ellis and Deema. Also Ellis, Diyani and Inhatcheta presumably open with 37 words instead.
There are some words with "nine" in them (like leonine, uninebriated, etc) that could be used alongside solo ten references. The Xever one looks particularly hard.
Asterian astrology uses the chimera, which conveniently also runs to 13'20". Worth looking into.
All mentions of "twenty" should use the word "paired" and I shouldn't be using that elsewhere if I can help it.
An attack on two fronts seems to be arc words. Happens quite a lot. Look into it. It might just be something I can hint towards during the climax -- AX and the void both are threats, after all. I should mirror everything better -- "fronts" should be easy to search for. No indications of three fronts if I can help it.
Make Aety a harpy eagle + leopard pairing. Some good mythology on the native side of the harpy eagle, and possibly harpies themselves.
Aety egg scene should mention parentage or influence -- Calaeno and an Aztec jaguar possibly to reinforce the harpy/jaguar pairing. Be careful that this doesn't reinforce the tezcatlipoca plotline though.
Look up the definition of ligature and see if theres a secondary meaning i can use. Also make sure that describes Æ. I'm using a lot of these now. I think it's a description of connection, so applying it to ash trees is absolutely perfect.
3EB has some good songs about toxic relationships that would fit in well while Thelma is in George's cells. Look (and listen) into it.
"Go straight, turn left, buy a gryphon and go up," should mirror Hackett's down/back/right now that the directions are opposites. Should ideally do this with the second paragraph too. Maybe the third.
"one stood out" is mirrored a few times as well, and I think it always describes trees too.
Whereas, the fifth..." Mirrors the eighth in Jadzia's sequence where she finds out why Valeska's message repeated for her.
In the subtle note about using mirror terminology when life branches move, mention that I should first dump all of them. They're strong moments and I don't want to ruin them. Also make sure they the moment Naggirps loosens the life-tree matches the language.
On a similar note, Unsaw is technically loosening Cnamhaill too, so make sure *that* matches. I don't remember how much mirroring I did originally.
She could do as she liked -- a mirror to Jadzia talking about robbans.
"Place and meaning" is a mirror to Jadzia and Ryden recovering from the swell when words have meaning again, or maybe when it's lost, which would also mirror the QT joining. Look into it.
Kawan feeling the swell-son filling his mind with knowledge is a mirror to Ryden experiencing similar. And maybe not a meaningful one
Use "mirror" more often -- when narration mirrors itself, and at moments where the arc words "the same thing" is used. Also with tezcatl and swell-son references. Possibly also when life-brqnches come together. Unsaw's legit opening mentions mirrors explicitly.
The unhalved moment mirrors Qadira's moment, which mirrors Kawan's. Look into it -- though I'd have to change other fae/speiggen deacreiptions
